Music

I love music, and I'm so thankful it exists. What a wonderful miracle it is. It evokes so many responses and it does so very mysteriously. I taught the high school youth in Sunday School on Sunday and the lesson was on heaven - it was a somewhat typical lesson - humorous comments from kids, distracting comments, disjointed comments and I had to keep pulling on the reins to bring the horse back to the path. But, at the end, I closed by simply pushing the button on the CD player and out came "I Can Only Imagine" and the room immediately hushed and the atmosphere changed instantly. It is a beautiful song, isn't it?

I stripped wallpaper yesterday and music was my background - praise songs. I believe music can make any task enjoyable, any location excellent, any gathering special. The author of "Ninety Minutes in Heaven" - (he was dead for 90 minutes and went to heaven but came back to life) - his greatest memory of heaven is the music. He says there are no words to describe the sounds he heard and he longs to hear it again. I can only imagine! Music here is such a gift.

I've been blessed by music all of my life. And I am thankful for it. It is a beautiful gift and it is from the Giver of good gifts. Thank You Daddy!

Praise Song by Charlie Hall

You’re the center of the universe
Everything was made in You Jesus
Breath of every living thing
Everyone was made for You
You hold everything together
You hold everything together
Christ be the center of our lives
Be the place we fix our eyes
Be the center of our lives

We lift our eyes to heaven
We wrap our lives around Your life
We lift our eyes to heaven, to You
***

Paradigm Shift...

...is the phrase I was trying to remember last post. To know Jesus as the core of my life rather than myself as the core is a huge paradigm shift. Not that it is a new idea, but the actual living out of it is HUGE. At salvation we sing "Come into my heart, come into my heart, come into my heart Lord Jesus. Come in today. Come in to stay. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus." And the promise is - He does. So from day one He is the core. But still - my awareness that He is the core is in question.

How do I reconcile living my life and Jesus being my life? If Jesus is the core, what am I? Is it like an apple core being surrounded by the fruit? I am the fruit if Jesus is the core. Acts 17:27, 28 - God did this (gave man life) so that Kelli would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him Kelli lives and moves and has her being." So, I don't lose me, myself and I, but I do indeed lose me, myself and I IN him. For in him I live and move and have my being. So, I don't cease to exist, but my existence is in Him. And that is a comforting thought.

It is like sliding into a hot bubble bath after a day of strenuous work. Or losing myself in a novel or a movie just to experience a fantastic story that I can't seem to forget. Maybe it is like falling into a hammock on a gentle spring day and swaying in the wind, closing my eyes and feeling the sun on my skin. Or best yet, sitting in my grandfather's lap and snuggling against his neck and being still while he works on a crossword puzzle.

In all these images I am sinking down into, settling down into, disappearing into, connecting down into something or someone that is bigger than me, and better than me. It is moments of existence that are beyond me. And so, if Jesus is the core then I am to sink down into, settle down into, disappear into and connect to the Truth of my presence in His Presence. Can I do this 24/7? Can I be aware of this when I am not still and quiet and typing on the computer in my quiet time? Can I do this when I am in the midst of life as I know it? Can I do this today?

It is a beautiful thought, as all thoughts of Jesus are. And so...I will continue to purse His beauty in my life and my beauty in His life. These writings are prayers and I know He hears my prayers. As I sit on His lap and watch Him work.

Core

Core is defined as: the central and often foundational part; the inmost or most intimate part; a basic, essential or enduring part.

Brennan stated that the core is Jesus, not self.

From birth I am all about me, self. How can I not be? I am what I am. I am all I am. I exist as I am. And yet God called Himself I AM. So what does that tell me? I might think i am, but really He IS! I breathe, think, feel, act, move - every iota of my existence seems to be about me, me and me. So if Jesus is the core then i am not! If Jesus is the central and foundation, the inmost and most intimate, the basic, essential and enduring part - then where do i fit in?

It is a revelation to imagine allowing Jesus to truly be the core of me. The thought of it is very freeing. I am so burdened down by being me - somehow the image of me being secondary is, well...life altering. It is a shift in thinking - whats the term for that? More later....

Fear vs. Faith

Perfect love casts out fear. She who fears is not made perfect in love.

How do I receive perfect love when fear is the inner core of my life? How do I exchange one for the other? How do I walk by faith rather than by fear? How do I live out of Who Jesus Is rather than who i am? It all sounds so great, but the living out of it is the hard part, at least for me. Fear paralyzes, faith moves. Fear closes, faith opens. Fear is darkness, faith is light.

"The true self is cowed by timdity. Buoyed up and carried on by a pwer greater than one's own, the true self finds basic security in the awareness of the present risenness of Jesus Christ. Jesus, rather than self, is always the indispensable core of ministry. "Cut off from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5) The moment we acknowledge that we are powerless, we enter into the liberating sphere of the Risen One and we are freed from anxiety over the outcome." Brennan Manning


What does it really mean to acknowledge that I am powerless?

Romania

When I let my kids go to Romania, it was scary. I hadn't felt that level of anxiety in years and I realized it was the lack of mama control I had. I'm rather used to Joe being gone now that he's had two years at Slippery Rock, but to have Haley gone as well added a new dimension to my momness. Or lack thereof. To imagine both of my kids flying over the ocean and existing on another continent...I couldn't see them, facebook them, hear them, help them...they were completely out of my control. And I know that it was just another step in letting go and beginning to more fully embrace the 'empty nest syndrome'. They shared about their experiences in church yesterday and overall this trip was a tremendous blessing for both of them. Twenty children asked Jesus into their hearts and Joe and Haley learned first hand what it means to give of themselves completely.

When Jesus gets into a heart, He whispers ideas and thoughts into a person's existence that wouldn't normally have been whispered there. Who would have imagined that Joe and Haley would spend two weeks in Romania? Who would imagine that I would ever live in Williamsport, Pennsylvania? Who would imagine that I would live so far from my mom and dad? Who would imagine that maybe my kids will be called to some land far, far away from me? Who would imagine? Scriptures says that no eye has seen, no ear has heard what God has prepared for those who love Him. What will He whisper next? Each of us hear a different whisper, different directions, different dreams, but yet the whisper comes wrapped in the same Love and Hope and Purpose. So, here's to more Romanias for Joe and Haley! And here's to more whispers of Love from our Beautiful Savior who has plans full of the unimaginable in store for each of us. Am I listening?

My Movie

Yesterday Kenton, Joe and Sarah jumped out of a plane at 10,000 feet. I watched Joe and Kenton's video and it was magically wonderful, and seeing it on video alone was thrill enough for me. It can be seen in slow motion with Jack Johnson singing in the background. It makes me smile. I'm glad they were able to have that moment in time. And they can relive it whenever they want by just plopping the DVD into the player.

I think often about my life and how it could be a movie - it is a story, just like everyone's life is a story. We could each have our own movie. There are moments that are worthy of being on the big screen. Snapshots that could be frozen in time to be watched again and again and again. Emotions that leave us breathless, and decisions that might be lifechanging for the good or for the bad. Villians and angels...friendships and family...conflict and peace. And for the mistakes we make?Well, there is always redemption when we have Jesus in our lives.

I might not win any Oscars for my particular story, but it could be darn exciting really. Think about it...growing up with 2 brothers and our varied adventures...having a bike wreck and knocking out my teeth...almost drowning 3 times...grandad...Brenda...living in the Georgian apartments...Joe Allred...Jim Arnold...Russell Dirks...Kenton...living in Louisville, such fun - and along came Josey...then off to the north and along came Halesy...Cracker Jack...friends here and all of our adventures...the good, the bad, and the ugly....serving Christ - what a ride...

Would the beauty of Christ shine through in my movie? I honestly don't know. I would hope. But today is a new day and another scene in my movie will roll across the big screen. Though most of the time I feel invisible...I know I am not. I serve the God who sees me. He loves me and He has picked out the perfect role for me. And He will make sure that when all is said and done and when the credits roll, He will be listed as the Producer and the Director and any awards will go to Him. And any critics who can't appreciate my movie will just have to deal with the Big Guy.

Childlike

Today I repeat yesterday's song.

Jesus loves me, this I know! For the bible tells me so! Little ones to Him belong, they are weak...but He is strong! Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me...the bible tells me so.

Perfect Love...

casts out fear. "In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love; because to fear is to expect punishment, and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love." 1 John 4:18

I have always been afraid. Even as a child I was afraid to go into the post office and check the mailbox. Why am I such a fear-filled person? My stomach hurts constantly with anxiety. People make me nervous. What will they say? What will they do? What is around the corner? Why is it that some people look with great anticipation as to what is around the corner, but I am more filled with trepidation? Am I like the scripture, expecting punishment?

As I sit here each morning and think about the beauty of Christ, I realize how difficult it is to take it with me all through the day. Here in the quiet I am safe and secure and able to process the wonder of my relationship with Jesus. But the moment daily life ensues...the assurance of Jesus' presence seems to get bumped to the back of the bus. How can I hold onto this pearl of great price all through the day? Practicing the presence of Christ is a 24-7 endeavor. I know the Holy Spirit lives within me and so I must learn to walk in the awareness of His presence - and what is that presence but Perfect Love? And what does Perfect Love do? It casts out fear.

So I come full circle. The antidote to fear is the perfect love of God as shown through Jesus. This I know, but living it out is my daily challenge. From my head to my heart to my body, the love of God must reign. Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong. Yes! Jesus loves me. Yes! Jesus loves me! Yes! Jesus loves me! The bible tells me so. Let this be my lifesong.

Generosity

On my mind today is the generosity of God. I've been encountering that word quite often lately as I've been reading Acts (The Message) and also today in Brennan's devotional. "God's love is not a conditional love; it is an open-hearted, generous self-giving which God offers to men. Those who would carefully limit the operations of God's love...have missed the point." I don't want to miss the point. I want to realize the love of God for myself and for all those I share life with at this time on this beautiful spinning ball. I want to learn to be generous, open-hearted and self giving, too. But it goes against my nature. I am naturally private, closed and fearful. So I join in Brennan with this prayer today. Abba, help me to see people with Your eyes. Remind me that I am forgiven much. Fill me to overflowing with Your Holy Spirit so that I can pour out love to others. Amen.

It reminds me of Rich's song The Love of God. Here are the lyrics:

There's a wideness in God's mercy
I cannot find in my own
And He keeps His fire burning
To melt this heart of stone
Keeps me aching with a yearning
Keeps me glad to have been caught
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God

Now I've seen no band of angels
But I've heard the soldiers' songs
Love hangs over them like a banner
Love within them leads them on
To the battle on the journey
And it's never gonna stop
Ever widening their mercies
And the fury of His love

Oh the love of God
And oh, the love of God
The love of God

Joy and sorrow are this ocean
And in their every ebb and flow
Now the Lord a door has opened
That all Hell could never close
Here I'm tested and made worthy
Tossed about but lifted up
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God.

Not just loved, but liked...

Today Brennan recalled a story of an Irish uncle who was turning 80 - on his birthday, he and his nephew went down to a lake to watch the sunrise, and suddenly the uncle skipped down the road. When asked why he was so happy, he replied "because my Abba is very fond of me!" To be liked, as well as loved, is a beautiful experience. To have someone in my life who actually likes me - who enjoys being with me - who deliberately chooses to be with me. What a grand thing - it does bring about an emotion well represented by skipping down a road at sunrise! I don't often think of God as Abba, nor of Someone who likes me in this way. But why not? He is always available to me - night or day, here or there, no matter what condition I'm in...He never leaves me or forsakes me. He gave up his life for me. He created me! He gifts me abundantly. He definitely acts like He likes me - like he enjoys being with me - he deliberately chooses to be with me. I read somewhere that He probably hangs our pictures on his refrigerator because He is proud of us, like parents do with their children. Abba - Daddy. Can I sit on your lap? And snuggle in the crook of your neck? Will you remind me today that You are fond of me? I need someone in my life who likes me. Just for me. And if I start to skip, it will be because You are so beautiful, and you make me feel beautiful, too.

Solitude

I am an introvert, and sometimes that makes life scary - or maybe overwhelming. I need quiet, peace and tranquility to survive the stuff of life. Today Brennan spoke of solitude - being still and knowing that God is God. I am drawn to stillness and aloneness - it is a joy to sit quietly at Jesus' feet and listen for His still small voice. I have always been able to relate to Mary more than Martha. I do long for the abilities of Martha, but I am thankful to have the personality of Mary if it means I am naturally drawn to sit and listen. I compare myself to the Marthas of the world and always come up lacking, but when I am sitting in the Presence of the One who made me this way, the One who knows that I will act this way, the One whose beloved I am...well, then it is alright that I am a Mary. In my spiritual adventure, perhaps the weapon given to me was stillness, and writing. This combination has given me hours of wonder, grace, peace, hope, challenge, intimacy with Someone I cannot see but who I can sense when I am quiet with pen and journal. Sitting here now, I hear the birds singing, see the deer out the kitchen window, feel the breezes, remember I am loved, and gifted, and okay. Sitting here now, I can worship and there is something very beautiful about that. Selah.

Beloved - A Radical Word! A Beautiful Word.

Today Brennan wrote on being loved by God - being His beloved. "When I draw life and meaning from any other source than my belovedness, I am spiritually dead. When God gets relegated to second place behind any bauble or trinket (or person, I would add), I have swapped the pearl of great price for painted fragments of glass. "Who am I?" asked Thomas Merton, and he responded, "I am one loved by Christ."

Brennan continues..."The God who grabs scalawags and ragamuffins by the scruff of the neck and raises them up to seat them with the princes and princesses of His people. Is this miracle enough for anybody? Or has the thunder of "God loved the world so much" been so muffled by the roar of religous rhetoric that we are deaf to the word that God could have tender feelings for us?

Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.

Authenticity

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxwkSqUarow



Even tho I am a princess and a butterfly, I am still always a peasant and a caterpillar - my shadow self coexists with my new self. The sooner I accept and embrace my "authentic self" the better off I'll be. B. Manning says "When we accept the truth of what we really are and surrender it to Jesus Christ, we are enveloped in peace, whether or not we feel ourselve to be in peace." Jesus is the only one who really knows me - my authentic self. I cannot hide from Him. I cannot wear a mask. I cannot play a game. I cannot lie. I cannot pretend. I cannot act. I can only realize that I stand before Him authentic and bare. He knows my thoughts before I think them, He knows which way I will move before I move. He created me - He knows me past, present and future. He knows my worst moment and my finest moment. And still....He loves me. It is a beautiful thing to be totally known, to be totally accepted and to be totally loved. It is a beautiful thing to have a friend and soul mate like Jesus. And He is available to each of us in that capacity. Now how beautiful is that?

Chrysalis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjIlaGpCfOw

This morning I was reading Brennan Manning's The Rabbi's Heartbeat and I was reminded of the fact that I am Jesus' beloved. Yesterday's reading was on the fact that I am safe in Jesus. So, I am safe and beloved in my relationship with Jesus. In the mornings when He meets me at the end of my couch, all is quiet and it is good to sit in His presence and rest in His love. I think about being a caterpiller in a chrysalis - resting, tightly bound, protected, held still by a strength and power beyond me. In the quiet silence and stillness a metamorphis occurs, a becoming. And what emerges is BEAUTIFUL - a new creation. "If any man be in Jesus, a new creation has begun - for the moment we look to the Savior, we pass from death unto life." Not only am I a princess on the way to my throne, I am also a caterpillar becoming a beautiful butterfly. My job is to rest in His love and safety. He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it. And that is beautiful.

I am a Princess on the way to my throne...

There is a song that plays during the credits of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, and the words that caught my ear were "I am a princess on the way to my throne." One of the beautiful things about Jesus and His good news is the hope He gives! This movie and song reminded me of what hope I have in Jesus. I am not simply Kelli, I am a princess. On the day of my salvation, Jesus put a crown on my head, gave me a weapon appropriate for me, and started me off on my adventure as a princess in His Kingdom. I'm on a journey, on the way to my throne. I am learning, growing, fighting, failing, fearing, hoping, dreaming, remembering, worshipping, wondering, finding redemption...just like Lucy, Susan, Edmund and Peter. All because of Jesus. All because God loves me and wants more for me than I can ever hope or imagine. He has lead me through the wardrobe into a land full of wonder and hope. As Aslan represents, He gave up His life for me, and then conquered death. He is alive, and I am invited to fellowship with Him, to hug his neck, yes even to ride upon His back in freedom and joy. So, thanks to C.S. Lewis for a magical story full of reminders of God's beautiful hope. And thanks to Alanis Morisette, who wrote the song. It is called Wunderkind.