Baptism

Yesterday was baptism at the river. It was a beautiful day. The sky was clear and blue, the water was calm and sparkling. The sun was shining and I'd say it was a perfect setting for baptism. Kenton baptized a 7 year old girl and a man in his mid to late 50's. Our foreign exchange student was asking about age and baptism and it made me realize how God works so mysteriously and meets us at different ages. We are never too young to be called by God and we are never too old. To watch Ellie get baptized was beautiful, as we have all seen her growing up since she was born. She was so excited and we were excited with her. I remember my baptism at the age of 14. I remember being nervous beforehand, and then afterwards I remember changing my wet clothes and letting a lady dry my hair with a hairdryer. (I was baptized in the church building, not outside). I don't remember who the lady was now, but I do remember her drying my hair. My journey with Jesus started that year and for real and has continued to this day. I have traveled on straight steady paths and veered to the left and right. I have entered dark forests and hiked up mountains. I have dwelt in the valleys and sat by the waters and been refreshed. But no matter where I was on my journey, I know my Shepherd was right there with me. And when I left His side, He came and found me. He keeps an eye on me and never lets me get to the point of no return. And when I sit by the water He comes and sits with me and places His hand on my head and I know that I am safe. I know that He will do the same for Ellie and Scott, and that is a beautiful, hopeful reality.

Conflict = Beauty

I've got to say its been a rough week. Too much conflict for my taste. Here I sit, nevertheless, whole and ready for another day. I have found solace and strength in times of fellowship with friends who I can confide in and trust. I have two such friends and I am very thankful. I have been heard. I have been encouraged. I have been accepted. I have been loved. And when I realize these things I see again how beautiful the body of Christ is...how my friends are His hands and His eyes and His ears. Just like Jesus, they love, accept, encourage and listen. And yet, I am still alone, as we all are. Ultimately we live alone with our deepest thoughts, our myriad of feelings, our regrets and dreams - they all reside within us and we must face them on our own. No, that isn't true. You whisper in my ear "I will never leave you or forsake you, Kelli." "I am the God who sees you, Kelli." "Remember Psalm 139?"

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

I am never alone. I am known completely. I am understood. And that is very important to me. And so, I will not be afraid of anger. I will not be paralyzed by not being understood. I will not be defeated by conflict. I will stand in the knowledge that I am known and loved by Someone. And that Someone is really all that matters in the end.

Faithfulness

The SS lesson on Sunday was about faithfulness, mainly our faithfulness as believers. But I came away grateful instead for the faithfulness of God. I am not faithful, will never be, can only strive to be. But God is Faithful - always has been, always will be. It is His nature, just as Love is. I think of the hymn -Great Is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father. There is no shadow of turning with Thee. Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not. As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be! Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy Faithfulness Lord unto me.

The older I get the more I can see how faithful God is. He shows us His faithfulness in a myriad of ways if we will just get our eyes off of ourselves and look around. See the sun, the moon, the stars? See the trees, the flowers, the animals. See the family around your table, the friends on your couch? See the clouds in the sky? Hear the thunder? Hear the barking of the dog? Feel the hug around your neck? The breeze against your cheek? See Jesus on the cross? I could go on and on and on...recounting your Faithfulness leads me to humility - forgive my unfaithfulness to You. Oh thank You for being Faithful, since I will never be. You are beautiful, O Faithful Father. Faithful Abba. Faithful Daddy.

C S Lewis

Sometimes when I read a book or listen to a song or look at a piece of art I am overwhelmed. All I can conclude is that I am experiencing beauty and the only response is tears, usually. A sigh. A longing to create something that would evoke a similar response in someone else. I spent the morning reading about C. S. Lewis and his defining of this longing that we have - a longing that must be satisfied and the only satisifaction is found in the Eternal. I have that longing and it makes me feel less odd to see it defined by someone like C.S. Lewis. I have a longing that keeps me searching and dreaming and wondering and looking. That is probably why I wanted to have a blog about beauty. There is something within me that must be expressed through words about something that is beyond me but must be born from within me. Does that statement even make sense? It does to me!

The wonder of the story of Narnia and of Aslan - of Lucy, of stepping through a wardrobe...and entering a whole new realm that is new yet familiar, steeped in hints of faith and hope and joy and redemption - that is a story that is beautiful. I dream of creating something so beautiful. I know it is within me. It will not leave me. When will it appear? And in what form? And for whom? I have written many poems, several children's stories, files full of journals - and yet...why? Perhaps C. S. Lewis can help me know why. He seemed so wise and I need someone wise to mentor me. Someone with wisdom and imagination, someone who created beautiful, beautiful stories.

http://www.cslewisinstitute.org