Baptism

Yesterday was baptism at the river. It was a beautiful day. The sky was clear and blue, the water was calm and sparkling. The sun was shining and I'd say it was a perfect setting for baptism. Kenton baptized a 7 year old girl and a man in his mid to late 50's. Our foreign exchange student was asking about age and baptism and it made me realize how God works so mysteriously and meets us at different ages. We are never too young to be called by God and we are never too old. To watch Ellie get baptized was beautiful, as we have all seen her growing up since she was born. She was so excited and we were excited with her. I remember my baptism at the age of 14. I remember being nervous beforehand, and then afterwards I remember changing my wet clothes and letting a lady dry my hair with a hairdryer. (I was baptized in the church building, not outside). I don't remember who the lady was now, but I do remember her drying my hair. My journey with Jesus started that year and for real and has continued to this day. I have traveled on straight steady paths and veered to the left and right. I have entered dark forests and hiked up mountains. I have dwelt in the valleys and sat by the waters and been refreshed. But no matter where I was on my journey, I know my Shepherd was right there with me. And when I left His side, He came and found me. He keeps an eye on me and never lets me get to the point of no return. And when I sit by the water He comes and sits with me and places His hand on my head and I know that I am safe. I know that He will do the same for Ellie and Scott, and that is a beautiful, hopeful reality.

Conflict = Beauty

I've got to say its been a rough week. Too much conflict for my taste. Here I sit, nevertheless, whole and ready for another day. I have found solace and strength in times of fellowship with friends who I can confide in and trust. I have two such friends and I am very thankful. I have been heard. I have been encouraged. I have been accepted. I have been loved. And when I realize these things I see again how beautiful the body of Christ is...how my friends are His hands and His eyes and His ears. Just like Jesus, they love, accept, encourage and listen. And yet, I am still alone, as we all are. Ultimately we live alone with our deepest thoughts, our myriad of feelings, our regrets and dreams - they all reside within us and we must face them on our own. No, that isn't true. You whisper in my ear "I will never leave you or forsake you, Kelli." "I am the God who sees you, Kelli." "Remember Psalm 139?"

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

I am never alone. I am known completely. I am understood. And that is very important to me. And so, I will not be afraid of anger. I will not be paralyzed by not being understood. I will not be defeated by conflict. I will stand in the knowledge that I am known and loved by Someone. And that Someone is really all that matters in the end.

Faithfulness

The SS lesson on Sunday was about faithfulness, mainly our faithfulness as believers. But I came away grateful instead for the faithfulness of God. I am not faithful, will never be, can only strive to be. But God is Faithful - always has been, always will be. It is His nature, just as Love is. I think of the hymn -Great Is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father. There is no shadow of turning with Thee. Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not. As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be! Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy Faithfulness Lord unto me.

The older I get the more I can see how faithful God is. He shows us His faithfulness in a myriad of ways if we will just get our eyes off of ourselves and look around. See the sun, the moon, the stars? See the trees, the flowers, the animals. See the family around your table, the friends on your couch? See the clouds in the sky? Hear the thunder? Hear the barking of the dog? Feel the hug around your neck? The breeze against your cheek? See Jesus on the cross? I could go on and on and on...recounting your Faithfulness leads me to humility - forgive my unfaithfulness to You. Oh thank You for being Faithful, since I will never be. You are beautiful, O Faithful Father. Faithful Abba. Faithful Daddy.

C S Lewis

Sometimes when I read a book or listen to a song or look at a piece of art I am overwhelmed. All I can conclude is that I am experiencing beauty and the only response is tears, usually. A sigh. A longing to create something that would evoke a similar response in someone else. I spent the morning reading about C. S. Lewis and his defining of this longing that we have - a longing that must be satisfied and the only satisifaction is found in the Eternal. I have that longing and it makes me feel less odd to see it defined by someone like C.S. Lewis. I have a longing that keeps me searching and dreaming and wondering and looking. That is probably why I wanted to have a blog about beauty. There is something within me that must be expressed through words about something that is beyond me but must be born from within me. Does that statement even make sense? It does to me!

The wonder of the story of Narnia and of Aslan - of Lucy, of stepping through a wardrobe...and entering a whole new realm that is new yet familiar, steeped in hints of faith and hope and joy and redemption - that is a story that is beautiful. I dream of creating something so beautiful. I know it is within me. It will not leave me. When will it appear? And in what form? And for whom? I have written many poems, several children's stories, files full of journals - and yet...why? Perhaps C. S. Lewis can help me know why. He seemed so wise and I need someone wise to mentor me. Someone with wisdom and imagination, someone who created beautiful, beautiful stories.

http://www.cslewisinstitute.org

Music

I love music, and I'm so thankful it exists. What a wonderful miracle it is. It evokes so many responses and it does so very mysteriously. I taught the high school youth in Sunday School on Sunday and the lesson was on heaven - it was a somewhat typical lesson - humorous comments from kids, distracting comments, disjointed comments and I had to keep pulling on the reins to bring the horse back to the path. But, at the end, I closed by simply pushing the button on the CD player and out came "I Can Only Imagine" and the room immediately hushed and the atmosphere changed instantly. It is a beautiful song, isn't it?

I stripped wallpaper yesterday and music was my background - praise songs. I believe music can make any task enjoyable, any location excellent, any gathering special. The author of "Ninety Minutes in Heaven" - (he was dead for 90 minutes and went to heaven but came back to life) - his greatest memory of heaven is the music. He says there are no words to describe the sounds he heard and he longs to hear it again. I can only imagine! Music here is such a gift.

I've been blessed by music all of my life. And I am thankful for it. It is a beautiful gift and it is from the Giver of good gifts. Thank You Daddy!

Praise Song by Charlie Hall

You’re the center of the universe
Everything was made in You Jesus
Breath of every living thing
Everyone was made for You
You hold everything together
You hold everything together
Christ be the center of our lives
Be the place we fix our eyes
Be the center of our lives

We lift our eyes to heaven
We wrap our lives around Your life
We lift our eyes to heaven, to You
***

Paradigm Shift...

...is the phrase I was trying to remember last post. To know Jesus as the core of my life rather than myself as the core is a huge paradigm shift. Not that it is a new idea, but the actual living out of it is HUGE. At salvation we sing "Come into my heart, come into my heart, come into my heart Lord Jesus. Come in today. Come in to stay. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus." And the promise is - He does. So from day one He is the core. But still - my awareness that He is the core is in question.

How do I reconcile living my life and Jesus being my life? If Jesus is the core, what am I? Is it like an apple core being surrounded by the fruit? I am the fruit if Jesus is the core. Acts 17:27, 28 - God did this (gave man life) so that Kelli would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him Kelli lives and moves and has her being." So, I don't lose me, myself and I, but I do indeed lose me, myself and I IN him. For in him I live and move and have my being. So, I don't cease to exist, but my existence is in Him. And that is a comforting thought.

It is like sliding into a hot bubble bath after a day of strenuous work. Or losing myself in a novel or a movie just to experience a fantastic story that I can't seem to forget. Maybe it is like falling into a hammock on a gentle spring day and swaying in the wind, closing my eyes and feeling the sun on my skin. Or best yet, sitting in my grandfather's lap and snuggling against his neck and being still while he works on a crossword puzzle.

In all these images I am sinking down into, settling down into, disappearing into, connecting down into something or someone that is bigger than me, and better than me. It is moments of existence that are beyond me. And so, if Jesus is the core then I am to sink down into, settle down into, disappear into and connect to the Truth of my presence in His Presence. Can I do this 24/7? Can I be aware of this when I am not still and quiet and typing on the computer in my quiet time? Can I do this when I am in the midst of life as I know it? Can I do this today?

It is a beautiful thought, as all thoughts of Jesus are. And so...I will continue to purse His beauty in my life and my beauty in His life. These writings are prayers and I know He hears my prayers. As I sit on His lap and watch Him work.