Solitude

I am an introvert, and sometimes that makes life scary - or maybe overwhelming. I need quiet, peace and tranquility to survive the stuff of life. Today Brennan spoke of solitude - being still and knowing that God is God. I am drawn to stillness and aloneness - it is a joy to sit quietly at Jesus' feet and listen for His still small voice. I have always been able to relate to Mary more than Martha. I do long for the abilities of Martha, but I am thankful to have the personality of Mary if it means I am naturally drawn to sit and listen. I compare myself to the Marthas of the world and always come up lacking, but when I am sitting in the Presence of the One who made me this way, the One who knows that I will act this way, the One whose beloved I am...well, then it is alright that I am a Mary. In my spiritual adventure, perhaps the weapon given to me was stillness, and writing. This combination has given me hours of wonder, grace, peace, hope, challenge, intimacy with Someone I cannot see but who I can sense when I am quiet with pen and journal. Sitting here now, I hear the birds singing, see the deer out the kitchen window, feel the breezes, remember I am loved, and gifted, and okay. Sitting here now, I can worship and there is something very beautiful about that. Selah.

Beloved - A Radical Word! A Beautiful Word.

Today Brennan wrote on being loved by God - being His beloved. "When I draw life and meaning from any other source than my belovedness, I am spiritually dead. When God gets relegated to second place behind any bauble or trinket (or person, I would add), I have swapped the pearl of great price for painted fragments of glass. "Who am I?" asked Thomas Merton, and he responded, "I am one loved by Christ."

Brennan continues..."The God who grabs scalawags and ragamuffins by the scruff of the neck and raises them up to seat them with the princes and princesses of His people. Is this miracle enough for anybody? Or has the thunder of "God loved the world so much" been so muffled by the roar of religous rhetoric that we are deaf to the word that God could have tender feelings for us?

Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.

Authenticity

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxwkSqUarow



Even tho I am a princess and a butterfly, I am still always a peasant and a caterpillar - my shadow self coexists with my new self. The sooner I accept and embrace my "authentic self" the better off I'll be. B. Manning says "When we accept the truth of what we really are and surrender it to Jesus Christ, we are enveloped in peace, whether or not we feel ourselve to be in peace." Jesus is the only one who really knows me - my authentic self. I cannot hide from Him. I cannot wear a mask. I cannot play a game. I cannot lie. I cannot pretend. I cannot act. I can only realize that I stand before Him authentic and bare. He knows my thoughts before I think them, He knows which way I will move before I move. He created me - He knows me past, present and future. He knows my worst moment and my finest moment. And still....He loves me. It is a beautiful thing to be totally known, to be totally accepted and to be totally loved. It is a beautiful thing to have a friend and soul mate like Jesus. And He is available to each of us in that capacity. Now how beautiful is that?

Chrysalis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjIlaGpCfOw

This morning I was reading Brennan Manning's The Rabbi's Heartbeat and I was reminded of the fact that I am Jesus' beloved. Yesterday's reading was on the fact that I am safe in Jesus. So, I am safe and beloved in my relationship with Jesus. In the mornings when He meets me at the end of my couch, all is quiet and it is good to sit in His presence and rest in His love. I think about being a caterpiller in a chrysalis - resting, tightly bound, protected, held still by a strength and power beyond me. In the quiet silence and stillness a metamorphis occurs, a becoming. And what emerges is BEAUTIFUL - a new creation. "If any man be in Jesus, a new creation has begun - for the moment we look to the Savior, we pass from death unto life." Not only am I a princess on the way to my throne, I am also a caterpillar becoming a beautiful butterfly. My job is to rest in His love and safety. He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it. And that is beautiful.

I am a Princess on the way to my throne...

There is a song that plays during the credits of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, and the words that caught my ear were "I am a princess on the way to my throne." One of the beautiful things about Jesus and His good news is the hope He gives! This movie and song reminded me of what hope I have in Jesus. I am not simply Kelli, I am a princess. On the day of my salvation, Jesus put a crown on my head, gave me a weapon appropriate for me, and started me off on my adventure as a princess in His Kingdom. I'm on a journey, on the way to my throne. I am learning, growing, fighting, failing, fearing, hoping, dreaming, remembering, worshipping, wondering, finding redemption...just like Lucy, Susan, Edmund and Peter. All because of Jesus. All because God loves me and wants more for me than I can ever hope or imagine. He has lead me through the wardrobe into a land full of wonder and hope. As Aslan represents, He gave up His life for me, and then conquered death. He is alive, and I am invited to fellowship with Him, to hug his neck, yes even to ride upon His back in freedom and joy. So, thanks to C.S. Lewis for a magical story full of reminders of God's beautiful hope. And thanks to Alanis Morisette, who wrote the song. It is called Wunderkind.

Happy New Year

Happyness is realizing that the year has been a good one! Happyness is also looking forward to the next year...as I move from 2007 to 2008 I also want to transition this blog from a pursuit of happyness to a pursuit of worship. In 2008 I will record those moments of worship - the ones where I get just a glimpse of God and am swept away by His glory and grace. I cannot wait! Happy New Year to me!

Creating...

I made a simple chocolate cake with chocolate icing and then dropped red, white and green sprinkles all over the top. I realized in those few seconds that the sprinkles were making me happy. And I thought that God is so good to allow us to share in the act of creating - whether it is a piece of art, a sprinkled cake, or a child - aren't we blessed? Sprinkles led to worship, and there is no finer happyness than that. Selah.